Comments on: The Engine of Shame – Part I http://docisinblog.com/index.php/2006/11/16/engine-shame-pt-1/ a physician looks at medicine, religion, politics, pets, & passion in life Sun, 15 Apr 2012 21:54:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: PonderAbout.com » Blog Archive » The Subtle Origins of Shame http://docisinblog.com/index.php/2006/11/16/engine-shame-pt-1/comment-page-1/#comment-11218 PonderAbout.com » Blog Archive » The Subtle Origins of Shame Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:20:23 +0000 http://docisinblog.com/archives/2006/11/16/engine-shame-pt-1#comment-11218 [...] “The origins of shame are varied, and not fully understood. We seem to be programmed to interpret certain words and behavior by others–especially parents and siblings in childhood–as not simply critical of our behavior, but a statement of our worth. This is an especially powerful force coming from parents, under whose authority and supervision we are molded into social beings. While this may be especially pronounced in dysfunctional or abusive homes–alcoholism, sexual abuse, and mental illness come to mind–it occurs even in well-functioning family units, and with speech and actions which are not intended as critical or demeaning, but which are interpreted as such.“ - Link [...] [...] “The origins of shame are varied, and not fully understood. We seem to be programmed to interpret certain words and behavior by others–especially parents and siblings in childhood–as not simply critical of our behavior, but a statement of our worth. This is an especially powerful force coming from parents, under whose authority and supervision we are molded into social beings. While this may be especially pronounced in dysfunctional or abusive homes–alcoholism, sexual abuse, and mental illness come to mind–it occurs even in well-functioning family units, and with speech and actions which are not intended as critical or demeaning, but which are interpreted as such.“ – Link [...]

]]> By: Vicki Small http://docisinblog.com/index.php/2006/11/16/engine-shame-pt-1/comment-page-1/#comment-4599 Vicki Small Thu, 16 Nov 2006 21:53:06 +0000 http://docisinblog.com/archives/2006/11/16/engine-shame-pt-1#comment-4599 Excellent treatise, Doc. Long before I learned the distinction between guilt and shame, I learned one other thing about guilt: A common coping strategy is to blame someone else in order to balance the scales. This is not inherently the same as the rageful attack on others to help one cope with shame. A person trying to balance the scales of guilt and blame may not be at nearly the same emotional level of the person dealing with shame. The basic desire--to shed some of this gunk onto someone else--is the same, but they need not be of the same intensity. There is one other possibility for mitigating guilt: Receiving forgiveness, whether from God, another person, or myself, and forgiving anyone else who rightfully shares the responsibility for the error. This may assume that the guilt has a real basis, rather than an incorrect perception. Of course, to admit the need for forgiveness means having to own my share of the wrong, and we don't like to do that. However, "the truth shall set you free." Shame is, as you know, more difficult. I'm still learning to see myself through God's eyes, rather than through my own. It doesn't help to merge guilt and shame into a black goo. When I have done something that seriously violates a major rule, I feel guilt over what I have done, and shame because, after all, what kind of person would do that??! Then it helps me to remember that God is the author of my salvation, and He will continue the work of purifying me. Therefore, I need to refrain from wallowing in past error and look at the One who suffered and died for my sin in order to set me free. Excellent treatise, Doc. Long before I learned the distinction between guilt and shame, I learned one other thing about guilt: A common coping strategy is to blame someone else in order to balance the scales.

This is not inherently the same as the rageful attack on others to help one cope with shame. A person trying to balance the scales of guilt and blame may not be at nearly the same emotional level of the person dealing with shame. The basic desire–to shed some of this gunk onto someone else–is the same, but they need not be of the same intensity.

There is one other possibility for mitigating guilt: Receiving forgiveness, whether from God, another person, or myself, and forgiving anyone else who rightfully shares the responsibility for the error. This may assume that the guilt has a real basis, rather than an incorrect perception. Of course, to admit the need for forgiveness means having to own my share of the wrong, and we don’t like to do that. However, “the truth shall set you free.”

Shame is, as you know, more difficult. I’m still learning to see myself through God’s eyes, rather than through my own. It doesn’t help to merge guilt and shame into a black goo. When I have done something that seriously violates a major rule, I feel guilt over what I have done, and shame because, after all, what kind of person would do that??!

Then it helps me to remember that God is the author of my salvation, and He will continue the work of purifying me. Therefore, I need to refrain from wallowing in past error and look at the One who suffered and died for my sin in order to set me free.

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